Moms After Miscarriage?
I feel so guilty for even bothering anyone. Trust me when I say that I know what it is like to read pregnancy updates, or symptoms posts, etc. etc., and I feel terrible for posting anything right now while so many are grieving/waiting/not wanting to deal with this. But if there are any moms-after-miscarriage out there, well... I could really, REALLY use your help right now.
I am just a ball of stress. I can't help it. I am so, so afraid. And I hate it.
Lower back pain--is that normal? I had it with both previous pregnancies, but of course those did not end well. I am having it again with this one. Should that be worrisome?
I am still having some tan/brown/very very light pink-tinged CM. My doctor has told me not to worry, especially if it is not red/accompanied by cramps, which it has not been. Before anyone asks, it is not because of "DTD" or ultrasounds. And of course, I had this same thing with both of my previous pregnancies, and, well...right.
Also, I am not "feeling pregnant" much at all. The breast tenderness comes and goes...as does the fatigue and appetite. No real nausea to speak of. I have gotten down on my knees and begged God for sickness, just to know that my peanut is okay!
My first beta was 187, and it went up to 698 yesterday. So, while not doubling every 48 hours, we are still on track for the 72-hour rule, and my doctor is happy with that. Progesterone is sitting at 383, which he is also happy about. Another beta tomorrow, as well as tests for Anticardolipin antibodies. So many tests, so much waiting.
I am worthless, and I will be until I have more information.
Please, if you can, try not to scare me. I know all too well that our God is a mysterious God, and miscarriage is always a possibility. But if you have any tips on how to bring my worry down... stories about early spotting and later success...general words of wisdom...I would really, really, REALLY appreciate it.
St. Gianna, St. Gerard, St. Philomena, pray for us!!!!!!!!
I am just a ball of stress. I can't help it. I am so, so afraid. And I hate it.
Lower back pain--is that normal? I had it with both previous pregnancies, but of course those did not end well. I am having it again with this one. Should that be worrisome?
I am still having some tan/brown/very very light pink-tinged CM. My doctor has told me not to worry, especially if it is not red/accompanied by cramps, which it has not been. Before anyone asks, it is not because of "DTD" or ultrasounds. And of course, I had this same thing with both of my previous pregnancies, and, well...right.
Also, I am not "feeling pregnant" much at all. The breast tenderness comes and goes...as does the fatigue and appetite. No real nausea to speak of. I have gotten down on my knees and begged God for sickness, just to know that my peanut is okay!
My first beta was 187, and it went up to 698 yesterday. So, while not doubling every 48 hours, we are still on track for the 72-hour rule, and my doctor is happy with that. Progesterone is sitting at 383, which he is also happy about. Another beta tomorrow, as well as tests for Anticardolipin antibodies. So many tests, so much waiting.
I am worthless, and I will be until I have more information.
Please, if you can, try not to scare me. I know all too well that our God is a mysterious God, and miscarriage is always a possibility. But if you have any tips on how to bring my worry down... stories about early spotting and later success...general words of wisdom...I would really, really, REALLY appreciate it.
St. Gianna, St. Gerard, St. Philomena, pray for us!!!!!!!!
Hello! I found you about 2 weeks ago from JBTC. Congratulations on your peanut. I have never had a miscarriage so I am no help on that account. I am currently pregnant with my second however In both pregnancies I had spotting early on and cramps. Also I had no symptoms to very very minor symptoms both times until about 9 weeks. (That's when the nausea showed up.) I will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Madeline, that is really helpful information. Makes me feel like I'm not so crazy! And THANK YOU for the prayers!!
DeleteMom of miscarriage? Yep, that is me. 2 miscarriages (most likely due to low progesterone) prior to conceiving and going full term with Elizabeth who was born in Dec 2011, 2 more miscarriages (12w and 9w and both were chromosomal defects that we learned about after the miscarriage) after Elizabeth, and am currently pregnant with baby #6 (27 weeks). That being said and I know you know this, everyone experiences pregnancy so differently. With Elizabeth I was nauseous, but not until week 10 and then it lasted through week 17. I only threw up a few times with her. With this baby, I haven't had one day of nausea or morning sickness. But with my two miscarriages after Elizabeth, I had a few episodes of vomiting. Honestly, no rhyme or reason for morning sickness in my case. Lower back pain - haven't had any with any pregnancy. I didn't have cramping with any of my pregnancies either (well, with Elizabeth I did at 16 weeks, but it is just because I overdid with exercise one day…so my own fault).
ReplyDeleteBut I have been on copious amounts of progesterone for my last four pregnancies because my body doesn't make enough of it on its own and honestly, beyond that I don't think I can be that helpful, but of course I will pray and pray and pray. I mean, I have never even heard about progesterone levels as high as you currently are at. I didn't know the levels could even go that high? I guess, my only thought is and this isn't meant to scare you, but just more of a "huh?" is that 383 based on ng/ml which is what PPVI uses for their metrics? Or something else? I am just wondering if I am comparing apples to oranges in terms of progesterone issues. Because with what you are saying about the spotting and cramping, and I hadn't known what your progesterone was, I would say - get thee some progesterone stat! But if your progesterone is high already (and by all accounts it is that high), then I don't know that adding any would do any good. Sorry if that doesn't make any sense.
But in regards to fear after miscarriage, yeah it sucks and honestly it is just a day by day thing. I still worry day in day out about this current baby, but at this point at least I am feeling the baby and I do have a heart rate doppler in case I want to check quick on the heart beat. But those weeks between the BFP and around 15 weeks when I can reliably pick up the heart beat with the doppler are insane and nerve wracking and yes, I literally lived for each ultrasound and was in a panic most days.
If you want to e-mail me privately so we can discuss more in depth, feel free to contact me at gaudium08@gmail.com. Also, are you on the Catholic IF - St. Gerard Facebook group? That has been immensely helpful.
Okay, sorry for the novel of a comment and just re-reading what you wrote, I mixed it up and it doesn't sound like you have cramping, sorry that I thought you did. Also, are you familiar with the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I have been praying that nightly for the baby and I think it helps a lot to calm me down. I have a hard time staying awake for the Rosary, but the chaplet seems just the right length and I will include you in my intentions tonight. Grow, baby, grow!!!
DeleteThank you SO MUCH for all of that great info! I am so very sorry for your losses, but so grateful that you are willing to share your experiences with others. Pregnancy is such a strange creature...because all women are different, it is so hard to know what is "normal." And for an over-analyzer like me, well, it's just...TORTURE. To put it mildly.
DeleteMy problem is, I have always been fearful in pregnancy, and twice I was proved RIGHT. Now it is so hard for me to relax and believe that all is well! It is a terrible terrible feeling. I want to enjoy every part of motherhood that I can!
And yes, my progesterone is ACTUALLY 383. Crazy, because I have had problems with my progesterone before too (in pregnancy as well). My doc, who is a previously trained IVF doc who then saw the light and converted to Catholicism, just started using these new progesterone lozenges...they are sucrose and melt in your mouth, so the progesterone deposits directly into your blood through your cheeks/tongue. It is insane how much they have worked, but he tells me that he's been seeing these crazy high numbers in most patients who take them! A lot of IVF patients have sky-high progesterone right after a transfer (as I've discovered in my research) and so I'm wondering if this is not an old IVF protocol (my doc would know it if it was). Either way, for now, I will take it!!!
As far as relaxation goes, the Divine Mercy Chaplet is a great idea! I have been spending a lot of time on the floor at Adoration like a big weepy mess. But that is a good constructive idea--I will definitely try it. Thank you for your prayers and advice--I may take you up on that email if things do not settle down!!! Thanks and God bless you, your family, and your new babe!
Oh and I forgot to mention that St. Philomena is my patron saint for this year, so I definitely will be talking with her about your little one! Grow, baby, GROW!!!!! Can you get in for an ultrasound soon?
ReplyDeletePhilomena is my girl!!! She hears from me ALL THE TIME! Thanks for including me and peanut in your prayers to her!!!!
DeletePraying for you! And you do not need to feel bad about posting! This is your blog! We care about you, rejoice with you and worry with you! We're all in this valley called life together.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU, that is so sweet and helps with my guilt. I really appreciate the prayers!!!!!!!!
DeleteGod bless you, hope baby keeps growing!!!
ReplyDelete