7 Weeks

**This is a pregnancy-related post, so please feel free to skip this post if you're not up for it. I completely understand, and there will be other posts! For now, I am excited to use my blog for its original intended purpose, which is to document my pregnancy and celebrate my joy. However, I understand if it is too difficult for many of you to read along. I still feel very much a part of the IF community, so please know that I do understand. Take care of yourself first, and know of my constant love and prayers.**

Today I am 7 weeks. It feels strange even to type that, but here I am. Thank you, Lord, for this amazing gift. I am certainly unworthy, but I am so overwhelmingly grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

If you are a mom after loss (God bless you), you know all too well this silly game we play with ourselves. The "when are we really out of the woods" game. The truth is, until you hold your sweet baby in your arms, you are never really "out of the woods," though it is torture to think that way. Heck, are any of us really ever "out of the woods?" A comet could fall from the sky tomorrow and that would be it, as my dad likes to remind me (lovingly, to talk me down from my craziness). Still, here I am, running numbers and figures in my mind that I know are altogether worthless. But I keep coming back to the same number. 

32. That's how many days I was knowingly pregnant with Anne. 32 days is my longest pregnancy to date, and today, at 21 days, I am not quite there yet. And even though I can honestly say that God has blessed me with the peace I have been desperately begging Him for, I still long to cross that mark. It feels safer, in an irrational way. I wonder if that feeling of safety would even last? But, I digress.

June 13 is my next ultrasound. I have never had two successful ultrasounds in a row, so that will be another amazing milestone. I know that everyone tells you the risk of *the M word* dramatically decreases once a heartbeat is detected, but that was not the case for me. I saw that precious heartbeat, and a week later, it was gone. I must remind myself that this is truly in God's hands. Do I trust Him or not? Certainly I do, but He sure knows how to test us, doesn't He?

On to some happy things, because despite how I've started off in this post, I really am happy! Happy and honored to be carrying this little life we affectionately refer to as "the peanut." Happy, happy, happy. And so, here we go!

4 weeks, right after my positive test. Already bloated from all of the excess progesterone!

5 weeks, and a definite bump already. It's all air and other fun stuff, but I'll take it!

6 weeks, and the tum is looking just plain chubby. Again, I'll gladly take it.

This A.M. at 7 weeks on the nose, and definitely feeling round in the middle. Don't care. 

Make me as round as you want, peanut!

How far along? 7 weeks on the nose!

Clothing? My normal wardrobe for now, but have already used a few hair ties on a few pairs of pants...gulp.

Stretch marks? Not yet, hopefully never? Wishful thinking!

Sleep? Down by 9:00 PM lately...though I can't say that's a huge change (I know, I know, I'm a grandma). My energy is generally pretty good during the day, but it's hard for me to wake up in the AM! Grrr!

Best moment of this week? My husband starting to talk to me about "plans after baby," and realizing that we both really believe in our peanut. Grow baby grow!!!

Worst moment of this week? Passing fear and anxiety about peanut, though I feel like God is really helping me keep that at bay!!!

Miss anything? Food. I have barely been able to eat anything. So many aversions!!! ESPECIALLY chicken, just like last time...BLECH!!!

Movement? Nothing yet, but SO EXCITED for that special day!!!

Symptoms? Some fatigue, on-and-off breast tenderness, a little sciatica in my leg joints (weird, I know), heightened sense of smell, very thirsty, peeing more frequently (see previous), some dizziness, some lower ab stretching/very mild cramping, some nausea finally (but no puking), crazy dreams, and definitely a bloated stomach. But NO spotting in almost two full weeks, praise God!!!

Food cravings? Honestly, none really. If I have a craving, it's only for a second, and then it's GONE and I am not hungry for anything! I could barely get down delicious homemade pizza last night, grr!

Gender? I call peanut a "she," so I guess I think it's a girl again. I know, I know. I would actually love a boy first, but T wants a girl. We shall see?

Labor Signs? Heck no.

Belly button in or out? Firmly IN!

Wedding rings on or off? On!

Mood? A bit worried off and on, but mostly HAPPY!!!! SO SO SO SO HAPPY!

Rituals? I have started singing "Close Your Eyes" (James Taylor) to my belly every night. T thinks I'm sort of crazy, or maybe he just doesn't like my voice. Either way, we're starting this kid off with some good taste in music...I insist!

Looking forward to? My 26th birthday with baby peanut in my belly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all for your prayers and support. It is wonderful knowing that people really do care, even when I know it is so difficult at times.

Have a wonderful week...