Help My Unbelief

Mark 9:17-24

17 A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18 Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

19 “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

20 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help my unbelief!”

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Today, I feel like the father from this account in Mark.

When Jesus enters into this community, a father of a boy possessed immediately greets him and begs for Jesus’s intercession.

Check—I beg for intercession daily.

He asks Jesus to please, if He can, take pity on his child and help him.

Check—I am constantly asking for mercy, pity, relief.

Jesus responds (incredulously, it seems) “If I can? Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Absolute truth, and I know it in my heart. But then.

The man responds in a way that so completely captures my dilemma in so few words, that when I read these verses last night in Magnificat, I started to sob. I couldn’t help it.

“I do believe; help my unbelief!”

How deeply I am sunk into this conundrum. Lord, truly You know that I DO believe in You—but still, I doubt You. I am so ashamed that this, my broken human nature, overcomes my God-given charge to trust in You with all of my heart—but it does, daily. I struggle, and I continue to fail.

Your grace and mercy are the only things that save me. It is because of Your grace and mercy that my tears fall—because this, I know, is the recognition of all of my sins, and through this recognition, I truly feel Your presence. You will never abandon me. I only need to trust in You, and continue to struggle against this terrible “unbelief” that threatens to undo me.

But I will not be undone. I soldier on for the glory of Your kingdom—if not for that, I would have surely fallen to pieces by now. Use my suffering for Your good. Give me strength. Heal my broken heart.

Lord, I DO believe. Help my unbelief.