Eileen Marie's Birth Story

HELLO, world!

I realize this has taken over two weeks to get to, and honestly, I may still have to split it up into parts. But I will do my best. I know all of the veterans will laugh at me here, but for all of my imagining and daydreaming, planning and wishing, hoping and praying...motherhood is still WAY more difficult than I thought! Ha ha, I know. That being said, it is also an absolute dream come true. Really. I wouldn't have my life any other way.

But, because I have been basically one-or-no-handed these days, blogging has been a near-impossibility. Still, I want to remember every single detail of Miss Eileen's birthday before my brain gets even foggier (if that's possible)!

Here goes nothin'!

**Disclaimer: I aim to keep it real here, and will probably use a few medically-unpleasant terms. If you're squeamish or know me well and don't want to know me in this intimate way, feel free to skip this post!**

As you all know, I was originally scheduled for an induction on my due date (January 21st). But at my 40 week appointment (January 19th), my doctor decided to wait a bit. I was only a "finger tip" dilated, and he wanted my body to be a bit further along before starting an induction. At the time I was really disappointed, but in hindsight, I'm glad he waited. Although I ended up going into my induction still only a fingertip dilated, I am glad I waited until I was at least overdue. I wanted to give my body every possible chance to go into labor and deliver on its own (without needing a c-section). Although things did not work out this way, I am still glad I gave myself that chance.

And so, on January 25th at 7:00 PM, after a huge meal of an Italian beef sandwich and french fries (I couldn't help myself, one last splurge!), I arrived at the hospital to begin my induction. I honestly had no idea what to expect--I wasn't sure if I would start labor immediately, or sit around for hours. Of course, it ended up being the latter.

T, enjoying some fried chicken during our "down time."

Check out those swollen cheeks! Ready to have my baby! (Little did I know how much waiting was ahead of me!)

Check out T's politically correct addition, ha!

Ready!

So we got all checked in, I got my hep-lock, gave a blood and urine sample, started my Cervidil, and then...we waited. And waited. And waited. My dad came by and we watched Downton Abbey from our hospital room, because duh. Absolutely nothing was happening (other than me feeling stir crazy!). My dad left, and my mom & T & I sat around for awhile. My mom had originally planned on staying, but when it became clear that nothing was going to happen until the next day, I sent her home. Around 2 AM, T and I finally drifted off to sleep (big mistake staying up so late, but I blame adrenaline!). I had to page the nurse every time I needed to use the restroom because of the many monitors I was hooked up to, so it was not a very restful evening. My poor nurse must have gotten paged once every half hour, without fail. My big baby was on my bladder, and I constantly needed the restroom! Around 6 AM I finally decided that I couldn't take it anymore, and decided to "wake up" for what I thought would be Eileen's birthday. I was exhausted, but exhilarated! 

Day 2 gets rollin'!

Not much happening initially...stay tuned!

Hospital selfie!

The new day began with a HUGE hospital-supplied breakfast and a visit from my doctor. As he watched me chow down on pancakes, eggs, and fruit, he chuckled that this would be my "last real meal before motherhood." I was so excited to hear that!

It was at this point that I explained to my doctor how unclear I was regarding the timeline of my induction. I let him know that although all of my nurses were very sweet, they had been giving me all sorts of confusing info. One nurse would tell me "oh, this induction could take DAYS. Don't expect a fast delivery!" And then another would chime in with "you could start labor at any time!" He told me not to worry, that they were not aware of my unique circumstances and that he would fill them in. He went into the hallway and explained the situation to them--that I had a very narrow pelvis, and a big-headed baby, but he wanted to give me a shot at labor before deciding on a c-section. Regardless of the outcome, he assured me that I would have a baby in my arms before the sun rose again. I couldn't believe it. My baby was on her way! My doctor left, and my mom arrived again, ready to coach me through the next phase of labor.

Around 10 AM, I started Pitocin. I had heard all sorts of horror stories about Pitocin, so needless to say, I was quite nervous. But initially, it wasn't so terrible! In fact, I had hours and hours of manageable contractions on Pitocin. I watched TV (got totally addicted to "Chopped" in the hospital!), chatted, laughed, and tried to "relax" as much as possible.

Around 3 PM, the contractions started to pick up. They were coming every1.5-2 minutes, and I started having to breathe through them.

Contractions picking up steam!

Charming, right?

I was uncomfortable, but not miserable, so I powered through it. I was still able to chat a bit between contractions, but it was becoming clear that that phase was rapidly ending. At this point, I encouraged T to go to the cafeteria and get some food. He hadn't eaten all day, and I knew he would need his strength for the next phase. I myself was DYING for a cheeseburger (I hadn't eaten all day either), but I figured that one of us might as well indulge for both of us!

I swear, as SOON as T left to get some grub, my contractions were on top of each other. I started moaning and crying a bit, trying my best to make it through each contraction, but I knew that an epidural was in my immediate future. However, I didn't want to get my epidural until T got back. So we called him. And of course, his ringer was off! My mom continued to call him...crickets. He sauntered back in 20ish minutes later, explained that he "hadn't thought to check his phone" (huh?! I'm in labor goofball!!!), but at that point I didn't care about anything other than getting some relief. And so, the anesthesiologist was called and I was whisked away to put my epidural in place.

Although my anesthesiologist was Indian and I literally could not understand a word he was saying, I had a great epidural. I could still move my legs (although they were heavy), but I couldn't feel my contractions at all. I tried to relax as my doctor came back in to check me around 7 PM. He happily exclaimed that I had reached a 2, which he was thrilled about! He broke my water (which was a very gross feeling), informed me that I had a bit of a bloody show (another good sign, he mentioned), and let me know that he would be checking me again in three hours. If I had made some progress at that point, he would let me continue to labor for awhile longer. If I hadn't, we would start to talk surgery.

I took this time to pray for all of you. I was relaxed and not feeling pain, but I offered my fear and anxiety up for your intentions. I also got in a few rosaries, and humbly asked God that His will be done, and that my baby would be born safely, whatever that looked like. I can't say I was entirely at peace, but God never left me alone.

10 PM rolled around, and I waited for the doctor's return with bated breath. In he came, and as soon as he checked me, I knew. I hadn't made any progress at all, and he didn't want to wait any longer. Although my baby was doing great and not showing any signs of distress, he did not want to wait for trouble, and knew that a C-section was inevitable. And so, in between the tears I could not hold back (blame hormones, and a bit of fear of course!), he began to prep T and I for surgery.

Good shot, right? A few tears as I prepare for surgery.

T helping me be brave! Ready for surgery!

We headed into surgery around 11:30 PM. I was SO nervous. As soon as they set me down on the operating table, I looked up into the giant overhead light and told the nurses that the bulbs looked like monster faces. They got a kick out of this, but I wasn't kidding!

The anesthesiologist came back and told me some more things I couldn't understand, and then began to administer whatever magical drugs he had. Unfortunately, these magic drugs did not sit right with me. I promptly told the anesthesiologist that I was going to be sick...no wait, I was going to pass out...no wait, both. I was miserable, truly miserable. I sat there on the table, arms strapped down, with a vomit bucket at my side until T was allowed to join me. With a little help from an oxygen mask, he was able to calm me down a bit as the surgery began. 

What a surreal feeling. Of course, they warn you that you will feel some "tugging," but in my case this was the understatement of the century. I began to feel what I could only describe as a YANKING, as if someone was trying to wrestle an alien out of my body (oh, wait! Ding ding ding!). At this point, I began to shake VIOLENTLY. I could not calm down, no matter what I did, and this was the second round of "I'm going to vomit/faint!" But I didn't. I just lay there, shaking, ill, waiting for the sound of my sweet baby's cry. Tim held my hand and cheered me on the entire time. It was a completely out-of-body experience.

And then, SCREAMS. Loud, sweet baby screams. As soon as I heard this sound, I immediately burst into tears. My baby!!!! I asked Tim to please tell me if we had a boy or a girl, and he ducked his head around the curtain to check. As soon as he did, a beautiful, screaming, pink bundle appeared at the top of the curtain. I could barely breathe. "Tim, we have a daughter," I whispered between sobs. She was here. She was perfect. I knew from that moment on that our lives were forever changed.

Baby E getting her Apgars! 9/9, our little champion!

The moment I have been waiting for my entire life.

Being born is hard work, mama!

Resting up in the recovery room.

Eileen Marie Holi entered into this world at 12:01 AM, barely achieving a Tuesday birthday. She weighed 8 lbs. 3 oz. at birth and was 22 inches long, much bigger than we anticipated! After surgery, the doctor informed me that when he went in to get her she was still very high up in my pelvic cavity. Based on this knowledge, he was sure that they had made the right decision in doing a C-section. My little peanut girl wasn't going anywhere--she was too cozy to leave without a fight! While I am disappointed that I didn't get my "magical" perfect natural birth, I am peace with the fact that she is here. She was never in distress, neither of us were ever in any danger, and she is here. She is healthy, she is safe, she is perfect, and she is HERE. 

My immediate recovery after my C-section was no picnic...I was very ill and still shaking violently for about an hour. Because of this I was not able to hold E right away, which was the hardest part. T, however, snapped into daddy mode immediately and took great care of both of his girls. In between bringing me ice chips (my throat was so dry I could hardly speak!), he cuddled and cooed at E with a paternal instinct that warmed my heart. The nurse was even nice enough to let my mom sneak in for a quick peek at E, which was so special. After my poor shaky body calmed down a bit, I was able to hold and breastfeed E for the very first time--a moment I will never forget. She came out HUNGRY and rooting around, and has been a champion eater from the get go! We are so grateful that she has such a healthy appetite, even if it means that we all get a little less sleep at night...ha!

So there you have it, Eileen Marie's birth story. I am so grateful for the little lady who stole my heart and made me a mama, and infinitely grateful for each step that led us to her birthday. Motherhood is a gift for which I know I am not worthy, and one which I will never take for granted. My heart is full, my daughter is here, and God is so, so good.

Thanks to everyone who made it to the end of that very long story! I wish I could tell it more eloquently, but my brain is soup, so I hope you understand. As a reward to you loyal readers, a few bonus baby pictures!

I am also excited to finally announce on my blog that I am not returning to my full-time job in the city! I sent in my resignation today, and am officially a full-time stay-at-home-mom. I am excited to embrace this new role wholeheartedly, a role that will be equally challenging and rewarding, I'm sure!

I am slowly but surely trying to work my way back into the blogosphere. I apologize for not reading or commenting lately, but know that I think of each one of you and pray for you daily! We are setting into our "new normal," and while I'm still not sure exactly what that looks like, I know that I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks to my family and friends (ESPECIALLY MY MOM, who has been an absolute saint and lifesaver during this transition!) who have helped and prayed for us during this time. We love you so much. 

Until next time...God bless all of you!