17 Weeks...PHEW!

**This is a pregnancy-related post, so please feel free to skip this post if you're not up for it. God bless.**

Hiya all! I'm a day late, OOPS. 

I just have a quick update for you today. This week has been a semi-stressful one. Beginning on Monday, I started to have some pretty intense pressure in my stomach (similar to what a gal feels like pre-period) along with some cramping and shooting pains in my groin. On Monday, these symptoms lasted for about 3 hours until they calmed down. Yesterday, they hit me again, but this time they made me sick to my stomach. So I figured, why not call the doctor and calm my nerves a bit?

You see, despite my craziness, I have actually been pretty good about this pregnancy...at least from an outsider's perspective. While I might privately obsess over my symptoms and drive my husband/mom crazy, I really haven't bothered my terrific doctor/nurses too much. Which is probably the reason he thought to himself after yesterday's phone call: "Why not just have her come in and get checked out?" In his mind, he was thinking, Emily hasn't called me too many times during this pregnancy...so if she's calling now, it might be worth a look, just in case. But in my mind, I immediately heard the alarm bells sound! Why does he want me to come in?! Something must be wrong?!?!?! BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Of course, this isn't what the rational half of my baby team thought (Mom and T). They thought everything was just fine. But I needed to hear it from the doctor to be sure.

So I left work in a frenzy, hopped on the next train, and jetted off to my doctor's office in a panic. And when he finally strolled into the exam room with a big smile on his face, I couldn't help but burst into tears. Everyone was so positive, but I needed confirmation! Negative Nancy rearing her ugly head. 

We talked about my symptoms (through my tears and sniffles), and I pointed to each area on my stomach as I spoke. Cooly and calmly, as always, my Dr. reassured me after each symptom that what I was feeling was normal. He explained that because I am a smaller girl  (only 5'0", and with the world's shortest torso), that these pains were creeping up on me earlier than they do other women. The area where my thigh meets my pelvis, the same area that had been throbbing for days, was certainly round ligament  pain, he explained. And the other cramps/pressure/etc.? Yes, more round ligament pain, and perhaps even some early Braxton Hicks. WOOF. To further ease my mind, he checked my cervix (owie) which was firmly closed, and had a listen to the babe with his trusty doppler. There was baby's heart, beat-beat-beating away. And when I finally walked out of his office, my tears had stopped and I felt...calm.

Here was Tim's response when I texted him after leaving the office:

One thing my doctor said to me really struck a chord. Towards the end of our visit, he looked me square in the eye and said: "When you are holding this baby in your arms in January, sobbing uncontrollably and feeling so very lucky, none of this will matter." When I'm holding my baby in my arms. When I'm holding MY BABY in MY ARMS. 

And I realized that, as crazy as it sounds, I haven't really been able to picture this moment. Despite all of the very REAL symptoms and changes I am experiencing, it is hard to believe that I am actually having a baby. I totally believe that I am PREGNANT, if that makes sense, but to believe that I will have my very own child in January, a child I conceived and carried for 9 months, and then birthed into this world ALL BY MYSELF, well that...that's just...so hard for me to wrap my brain around.

So that is my mental exercise for the week: picturing my child's birthday, the joy and relief that I will feel, and the overwhelming love I will have (and already do) for that baby. I need to believe that this is really happening. I think it's the key to releasing this lingering fear that I still carry; and boy, am I ready to LET GO.

PHEW. So, that's a wrap on deep thoughts for today. On to some quickie highlights, for those of you who prefer the short-n-sweet.

NO BUMP PICTURE THIS WEEK! I'm the worst. Suffice to say, it's there, it's growing, and it's getting pretty huge.

How far along?  17 weeks, and baby is the size of a pomegranate! 

Clothing? Exclusively maternity/leggings on the bottom, and mostly non-maternity on top. Though I have become 100% incapable of wearing normal bras. The clasp on the back, no matter how loose it is (bra-extenders included), gives me horrible rib pain. Need to find a solution to this, quick!

Stretch marks? Nothing new!

Sleep? Pretty good this week! In fact, there was one night when I did not get up to use the bathroom AT ALL. Shocking, I know. Let's hope it stays this way!

Best moment of this week? Hearing my baby's beautiful heartbeat yesterday. There is no better sound on earth.

Worst moment of this week? My mini-freak out yesterday was no fun, but it did bring some much needed calm and peace!

Miss anything? I had the smallest sip of my dad's red wine the other night, and all of the sudden my brain said "OH MY GOSH, I REMEMBER YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL OLD FRIEND!" Been craving it ever since. But happy to keep waiting :)

Movement? YES. In fact, when I was walking to the train yesterday in a panic, I walked by an outdoor concert...and I swear, that is the hardest baby has kicked to date! I'm sure she was trying to tell me "I'm fine in here, you crazy lady!" but I was too stubborn to listen! Still, it was amazing!!!

Symptoms? Occasional fatigue, still battling the migraines, rapid HB when I walk/get up too fast, breast tenderness/RIB pain, RLP, shooting pains in my groin, a growing belly, backaches, achy joints, becoming full really easily, and my (crooked) linea nigra! 

Food cravings? Craving chocolate, coffee, and red wine. So basically, the core of my diet pre-pregnancy :)

Gender? Still feeling girl, but not AS sure as I was before.

Labor Signs? No siree (thank the Lord).

Belly button in or out? At this point it's half-in, half-out. Sounds pretty attractive, doesn't it?!

Wedding rings on or off? On!

Mood? Feeling so happy about this pregnancy, and so very blessed. Just need to continue to keep this fear at bay. Jesus, I trust in You!

Rituals? Nighttime lullaby, holy water on the belly in the morning, holy oil on the belly at night. And staring at the ultrasound pictures/watching the videos as often as I can!!!!! Along with routine bedtime chats.

Milestones? Baby's heartbeat is now controlled by its brain, instead of beating at random intervals! Not sure why I find this so important, but it just sounds so...steady. And I love to picture it!

Looking forward to? MY FIRST REAL STRONG "OW THAT KINDA HURT" BABY KICK (although yesterday came close!), hosting a kick-ace birthday party for T this weekend (fake Bloody Mary, here I come!), and my 20-week appointment!

NEW CATEGORY! This week's pregnancy-small-talk-gems (aka things other people say to pregnant ladies without thinking): I think these are too funny not to share, so here goes. While I am officially "out" at work, not every single person in the office knows yet. The other day, a woman (who is very sweet, for the record) came out and asked me if I was expecting, which I still find very bold. I told her yes I was, and she proceeded to say "Oh, I'm SO glad, because people have been gossiping about you for weeks!" Um...come again?! Another gem came from another co-worker, whose first question after I let her know that I was expecting was "So how much weight have you gained so far?" Can we start with "congratulations" and move on from there?

Thanks for reading, all-- it  means so much to me to know that women in this community care about my baby. I know these weekly developments are not always easy to read about; please know that you all remain in my thoughts and prayers, every day.

I'll leave you with this great Magnificat reflection that really spoke to my inner worry-wart...

Have a blessed week, and happy (almost) feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin!