19 Weeks!

As I sit here and much on my SECOND asiago bagel in 20 minutes (with schmear...just...whatever), I thought it might be a good time to catch everyone up on the beast within, the one who is making me eat all of these bagels (okay, I'm probably a little but guilty too).

Another week in the Holi household, and winter finally decided to show us its true colors! Boooooo! We're freezing, go home winter.

Eileen, light of my life and my best bud, is W-E-A-R-I-N-G-M-E-O-U-T. This toddler thing is no joke! Now that she's crawling and very close to walking, she is everywhere. Sometimes I have to put her in her high chair just so I can get a bathroom break. Where does she get all of that energy?! 

Hilariously, the only thing she will sit still for (for about 30 seconds) is "Barefoot Contessa" on Food Network. She LOVES the theme song and giggles every time it comes on. It's pretty adorable. 

So, to keep the queen busy, we have been running errands on errands on errands. Most including a treat for Eileen at the end to keep the smiles strong! This week, it was Menard's (my mom is building us an amazing kitchen table because she is the craftiest woman in the world!) followed by a pink sugar cookie feast. Every girl's dream, right?

And then, of course, a hard crash (for both of us).

And though I hate to admit it, with all of this running around I have felt many of my old doubts and fears creep in. Am I doing too much?! (Wait until you have 5, my mom wisely tells me). Am I pushing myself too hard? Will the baby be okay? I guess, when it comes down to it, I still don't fully trust my body. And I guess what that boils down to is, I am not placing my trust fully in God.

Ugh.

How could I be so weak, after God has delivered me such a precious and perfect miracle in Eileen? I know, I know, but I am broken and that's a fact. I try so hard to meditate on the words "Jesus, I trust in You!" whenever I am feeling this weakness, but sometimes that's easier said than done. Still, I try. And I'd like to think I get some points for trying.

All of this running around has also apparently lulled my baby to sleep, because movement has definitely decreased this week (leading to no end of anxiety on my part). But then, last night as T and I were watching "Making of a Murderer" (date night in), I got some GREAT baby wiggles and even felt them faintly from the outside. So did T! Thank you, Sunny! I will TRY MY HARDEST not to worry as much anymore!

Now, onto the bump!

compared to 19 weeks with Eileen...

...yeah.

How far along?  19 weeks, 1 MORE WEEK UNTIL I'M HALF-BAKED! The baby is 6.5 inches long, and is now sucking its thumb/frowning/squinting. And I am doing most of those things as well.

Clothing? Leggings almost every day. Bought an ADORABLE pair of maternity pants from H.&M online but they were too small so I had to return them, praying this new pair fits because I am in a major wardrobe rut. Oh well!

Stretch marks? Nothing new!

Sleep? I wake up pretty much every hour and rotate myself. Still "sleeping," but not waking up super rested. Also have found that it's impossible for me to sleep in anymore. I tried Saturday morning (thanks, T!) and my brain woke me up right when Ei woke up, like clockwork. Oh well!

Best moment of this week? That flutter fest last night was pretty amazing!!! Also spending some much needed quality time with T this week has been great, even though our date night got snowed out.

Worst moment of this week? Feeling anxious, which I hate. Also feeling generally worn out by the SAHM gig, which I love, but is exhausting! Still, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Miss anything? This is so shallow and barely worth recording, but I do miss the many items of clothing hanging in my closet that I have not been able to wear for about 1.5 years now. Someday, wait for me!

Movement? Yes, thankfully last night did calm me a bit! Still waiting for things to pick up, though! Whenever you're ready, Sunny!!!

Symptoms? A mild version of the dreaded pregnancy cold. Baby brain has started as well, I've been spouting gibberish this week which is charming. Not sleeping great, still a bit achey and having trouble with my sciatic nerve, but other than that feeling pretty okay?! (knock on wood)

Food cravings? Um BAGELS. Also, lemonade lemonade lemonade.

Gender? Looking at my 19-week pics side by side, I feel like I'm carrying a lot lower this time (so far). So, I'm gonna say boy this week.

Labor Signs? No siree.

Belly button in or out? Noticed in the shower this AM that we have ALREADY entered slightly-outie territory. All downhill from here!

Wedding rings on or off? On, but we all know that won't last.

Mood? Exhausted. Elated.

Rituals? Same ole :)

Milestones? NEARLY HALF-BAKED! Truly surreal to be here already.

Looking forward to? My 20-week appointment with T next Monday...I can't wait to see your little face, my Sunny!!!

And, because you dealt with all of those ramblings, some bonus pictures from Eileen's first birthday shoot (which we cheated on a bit to capitalize on the Christmas decorations!)...

My sweet, sweet girl. My heart is so full.

Until next week, God bless you all!