Reset

My body is playing tricks on me.

I am over a week late at this point. And even though I knew I shouldn’t, even though I knew it was a bad idea, I let myself hope, just for a few days, that there was something growing in my belly. Logically it was possible, right? But in my gut, I knew. I knew it wasn’t true.

The doctor says that the most likely reason for not starting my new cycle yet is because I either didn’t ovulate this month, or ovulated poorly. My CD21 blood test sort of told me this, but still. Not ovulating at all? But why? This is backwards progress. And I just don’t understand.

So, no little peanut growing inside of me, not yet. Started a course of progesterone to kick-start my cycle, and hopefully this third round of Clomid will work wonders for me. I don’t know, I can’t say that I really have high hopes for it. I just don’t like Clomid at all; I don’t feel like myself when I’m on it. Still, I will do whatever it takes. God sends us miracles when we least expect it. And so…I’m trying not to expect it!

Trying to embrace this set-back as a small yet personally-meaningful way to suffer with Christ during Holy Week. Lord, use my suffering for good. Not mine, but Thy will be done.